


losing her

by nightsickness



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Break Up, Broken Promises, Depression, F/M, Hurt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 12:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2692421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightsickness/pseuds/nightsickness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’s only been gone for a day, but he knows he won’t make it through the week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	losing her

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, but Jebby's been in my mind all week, and this is sort of the result.
> 
> Sorry about the title. It sucks, I know. I hope you enjoy, though.

She’s only been gone for a day, but he knows he won’t make it through the week.

And it’s not fair, because he didn’t only lose her when she said goodbye.

He’ll lose her again when he listens to that playlist that’s titled with her name.

And he’ll lose her again when he pours his bowl of cereal every morning.

And he’ll lose her again every time he wears that sweater.

And every time he hears her name, he’ll lose her again.

He’ll lose her over again every day.

He’ll keep losing her, until he eventually loses himself.

|-/

He misses her. He really does.

He gave her all his love, and now he has none for himself.

He wants to hate her. He wants to hate her more than anything. But he can’t. He just can’t.

|-/

He saw her at her best. And he saw her at her worst. He loved her all the same. He promised he’d always be there for her.

And she saw him at his best. She saw him at his lowest low. And she loved him all the same. And she promised she’d always be there for him.

But words don’t mean anything anymore. He meant everything he said, and he guesses he figured she did, too.

|-/

She hurt him like no other.

She destroyed him.

|-/

His friends bring up her name.

It's like he can’t go anywhere anymore without seeing her face or hearing her or someone talking about her.

Part of him likes hearing her and about her, having that secret familiarity.

Another part screams at them to stop.

It physically hurts.

He hates her, he loves her, he misses her, and he’s glad she left.

|-/

People keep telling him it’s her loss.

Is it, though? What exactly did she lose?

Did she lose his jealousy?

And did she lose those nights of him complaining?

How about his tears?

Or what about his doubts of everything?

His fears?

Did she lose those?

Yeah, he guesses she did lose all of that.

But he’s sure she couldn’t be happier.

She doesn’t have to stay up late to hear him complain or ask her questions about if she means what she says.

Yeah, she doesn’t have that anymore, but she didn’t lose anything.

It’s more his loss.

He lost her.

Every aspect of her.

Gone.

He loses.

He loses her random outbursts of singing.

He loses her stupid puns.

He loses the ‘I love you more’ fights.

He loses the late nights.

And he loses that feeling she gave her.

The one that had him smiling all the time.

It’s replaced with a new feeling.

It’s not at all like the first.

This one is full of hurt and missing her.

Being punched in the stomach and having someone laugh in his face at the same time.

He loses.

She is his loss.

|-/

He doesn’t get out of the bed anymore. He can’t. He’s just not strong enough. He tried at first, for Tyler, for his mom, but they just weren’t enough.

His bed is his only comfort. Sleep is for the weak, he had always told himself, but now he wants to be the weakest of them all.

|-/

He texts her one day. He misses her too much to keep going on like this.

_I’m so sorry for whatever I did that made you want to leave. If I could, I would go back and never do it. But looking back, I can think of a couple things that it could have been._

_Maybe it was me being too hesitant to believe that you loved me. I know you did. But those silly voices kept telling me you couldn’t._

_It might have been all the questions I asked. It’s just that wondering about stuff drives me insane._

_Maybe I was too much to worry about._

_You had a lot going on. I didn’t need to take up space in your head._

_I’m sorry for doing whatever it was that made you give up on me._

_We could start over. We would fall in love again. And I would do it right this time, I swear._

_I’m not getting out of bed anymore, and it’s scaring me._

_Please write back._

She never texted him back.

|-/

You’d suppose six months is plenty of time to get over someone.

Especially someone who got over you in three weeks.

Apparently, it’s not.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been going through a lot lately, so I wrote a bunch of poetry and stuff (in case you didn't know, I'm a writer), and I thought of Debby and Josh and my heart broke again (can your heart break two times in a row?), and yeah. I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
